Well, first of all, you need to think: "What design languages do I know?"
If you know PHP, it shouldn't be that hard to implement one of the less advances CMS's into your site. Check out some of the CMS's on Wikipedia
If you don't know PHP, then you're going to have to learn it to get what you want out of one of these programs.
If you get/create the right CMS, none of the things that you are talking about shouldn't be that hard to integrate.
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<?php if($Adsense_Revenue > 0): define('HAPPINES','100%'); else: define('HAPPINESS', '0%') endif; ?>
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