Makes it easier to get on the first page.

Originally Posted by jamestl2

Oh, that's actually my default Google preferences, that's probably why you're experiencing that high number.

OK, so mock me, or ignore me... doesn't really matter. Cos Skype never used to be a word either until someone thought of it and the rest was easy. Now my grandma and couple of people she knows sometimes use it at bingo on Tuesday nights… or is it Wednesday’s

Point is; if you type the word skype into google now the inventor shows up at number 1, along with 197,000,000 other people, but at least he (or she) is number 1, by following some of the methods I had originally outlined earlier.

And once:- Mr. Pitt, Elaine’s Boss on Seinfeld ate a Snickers bar with a knife and fork, and by the end of the show some other people were doing it too, and that was all in the space of 30 mins.

And the guy who invented the “Wave” at sporting events had to stand up and sit down at least 6 or 7 times before telling his friend what he was doing, now look at how that has turned into a ritual, and the guy vwho started it is not even named Wave.

Ideas catch on.

It’s at least worth a chapter in Newbie’s book.

Originally Posted by ddvvns

there is nothing easier then knowing what to do.

Pick your keyword
Run the search
record who is at the top
check current number one search engine saturation and number and quality of backlinks
do more then current number one

By following the above steps you will get to top position in any keyword search.

Just that simple...

Val
< removed >

Ranking number one is easy!!!

Here are a few quick strategies that SEO experts don’t want you to find out!

First code your Meta tags upside down, the key is to be upside down most web designers miss this important step and that’s why they are spending their days at the bottom of search list!
Second, link building is important – One of the best tools for this is “Barrels of Monkeys” Not only do they provide secure links they usually all look alike so they are relevant links as well!

For more tips on how to be NUMBER ONE!!! Click here or here.

Do I want the barrel of monkeys arranged as a circular link matrix or a trapezoidal one?

you should add your website to search engines and use signature links in popular forums

Originally Posted by Cheshire_cat

First code your Meta tags upside down

You can do that, actually: http://www.sevenwires.com/play/UpsideDownLetters.html

ןıɥd sı ǝɯɐu ʎɯ oןןǝɥ - thats neat

I've seen ways to do it with normal fonts, but I couldn't find any links easily and I forgot to bookmark them.

˙ʎɹʇsnpuı oǝs ǝɥʇ ɟo ǝʇɐʇs ǝɥʇ sʇuǝsǝɹdǝɹ ǝɔuǝʇuǝs sıɥʇ

It'll show up in the SERPs, too. I've actually seen people recommend (I don't) doing that in your meta description to draw attention to your site, which is a gimmick, of course.

Originally Posted by yankees51

All you have to do is invent a new science, say spacktology, the art and science of why cracks mysteriously show up in sheet rock, and the rest is simple:

• Do the math to prove your theory
• Invent the cure
• Write a book
• Produce a public service announcement
• Get quoted in the New England Journal of Medicine, and similar boring mags
• Appear on Leno, Letterman, etc
• and the easiest - get Al Gore to endorse it

And here's the trick, no-one shows up for that word at all

See... click here if you don't believe me spacktology - Simple!

You know, I think I could do that. A creepy guy once said "I've been in a cult from both ends. You have more fun as a follower, but you make more money as a leader".

Yeah like celebrating Festivus.

Newbie, I have made a contribution in your name to the Human Fund

Newbie needs a 2nd chapter for his book now - here it is:

Right let's get down to work (this chapter we'll be doing some hands on work, unlike the intro chapter you just read).

You paid me, SEO-grand master-wizard-wise guy-teacher-SEO prof-non noob, $499 to teach you using my advanced SEO-mastery how to rank #1 for any search term you desire. Now I'll teach you how to do it in the subsequent chapters by exploiting some unknown SEO hacks and tricks and using my great tips to advance your SEO skills.

I'll tell you how to rank on the first page and even in the first position on that page. You'll get lots of visitors for this and Google will love you.

Following my tips, I guarantee you 106% that you will do wells with Google. You'll get lots of quality traffic that will like your site whatever it looks like and however useful it is. My SEO tips are technologically tested to make you do well in all search engines.

----

It goes on like this chapter after chapter....

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Top SEO tip: set up a cron job to run a PHP script that auto-Google's your chosen search term and your website URL 5 times every second. This tricks Google's servers into thinking that you are receiving lots of visitors to your website for this search term

Next top SEO tip: If you have the money to, set up a network of about 1000 computers with different IP addresses and employ 1000 people to sit there searching for your website in Google. This works 178.8491% better than the above trick.

Another SEO trick: smiley Googling. Using this method, you enter into Google your website URL and then a : ) after it. This tricks Googling into thinking you are voting for your website and makes it rise higher in the rankings. For even better smiley Googling, try entering your competitors URLs and : ( after it. It votes them down.

Further SEO tip: use really really long web addresses - as long as possible. Fill this URL with lots of search terms. For example, if your site is about the history of the internet, buy a domain like http://www.thehistoryoftheinterneton...otcomcrash.com
Google loves long web address full of useful keywords - the longer the better (who cares about if your visitor can ever remember this or not - that's irrelevant).

---

I hope this content can prove useful for your upcoming ebook L.N. - put me down for 100 copies (there's another Google SEO secret involving using numerous ebooks to spam the system)


SEO-padawan Dan

Originally Posted by whym

Another SEO trick: smiley Googling. Using this method, you enter into Google your website URL and then a : ) after it. This tricks Googling into thinking you are voting for your website and makes it rise higher in the rankings. For even better smiley Googling, try entering your competitors URLs and : ( after it. It votes them down.

Holy crap, it works! It's alive, I tell you! I just changed my web site name to have a smiley face in the title so Google will know I'm a good web site and pepole who visit are happy. Then I started smiley Googling my own site and now I'm #1. Wowey mowey, Googley woogley.

Well I am in total agreeance with the above post

It is an excellent customerfication and updation to the thread that is not unpossible when trying to rank #1 in Google and in a word the post is pure strategery.

There were no holes or cracks in your text, in fact it was straight-to-the-point spacktism and I for one am going to avise your words,

Congratulations to whym on a Lip­smackin­thirst­quenchin­acetastin­motivatin­go od­buzzin­cool­talkin­high­walkin­fast­livin­ever­ givin­cool­fizzin post!

link building
social work nets
anti-social bot nets
article writing
forum sigs
directory submissions

Or maybe not...