|This is another story. Last Tuesday, I went to the dark woods to hunt and drink. When suddenly, a large, very large woman blocked the deer I was watching in my binoculars.
"Hey, lady!" I said can you move your PETA sign out of the way? You're blocking my astonishing view of the sun and river which blend together like Oil and Vinegar in my salad dressing bottle which, frankly, I carry.
She replied back, "What if i tell you that I've got another site of my poster that supports the NRA? Are you asking me, No Iím asking Him "You've killed it?" No, I didn't but the deeply-conflicted woman then threw her saladsaucecontaining bottle in the air and ran, screaming. So, I turn my back to the deer. (Bad idea....) I open bottle of dressing and splash it all over my face then the deer's antlers stuck in my backside!!!
I screamed very loudly! Hey--I'm armed!! Then I shot the hole as big as the moon in that Guy's Head, He was standing behind the deer! And then the ranger fell dead. Oh, deer my dear deer, where the woman was standing a doe, a deer a female deer, La was singing very badly and scared the male. So much for hunting, still there is drinking.
I hid the body beneath a rusty, old Ford Ranger. Still drinking, and drove to the store for more beer and lots of tequila when the tire blew!!! The vice president said yer takin the fall but let's go hunting with my old friend. I know a good lawyer! Without any brains whatsoever the lawyer went hunting and got shot in his assets and legal briefs while bending over for the vice presidents quail.
Under the truck he went into the water puddle. Then the truck moved forth in a steep road down the truck goes and burns in exploding flames their fire-proof suits were not so fireproof. Bodies taken care of! Once upon a time now back to drinking Send Cheney home first or we might "accidentally" fell asleep due to the long boring speech. Then they went nature walking again, seeming familiar. When, suddenly, the Boogeyman JUMPED OUT from the woods and yelled, what up, Holmes?Ē wearing only Boots, Cowboy hat, and a big toothy grin. Out a woman jumped head first into the arms of the Boogeyman!!!
As the World Turns and the music beats. There once was a Man from Nantucket, Who's long greasy fingernails were scratching his oversized fat belly. Swilling beer, he let out a belch heard for miles around on the Moon's airlessness. Get a belt, pal, don't float into space! I said. So he didn't listen to advice fart-rocketed into orbit and little green women with a final destination of Uranus. I continued drinking warm beer from the "cooler." In a stupor I stumbled over the deer's antlers and landed with my face down on the inside of the cooler. Getting up and going down again (Man, am I drunk....) I need to take a bathroom break but can't seem to find the toilet paper so I had to use water from the toilet to clean up. Then I decide that I was messier than before so drank to forget. When I awoke the next day, i Had a horrible hangover and eyes like Georgia roadmaps so I grabbed my hunting rifle, then I stumbled on the bottle with leftover Vodka and fell asleep with pillow-riffle on my way to the forest-house in located nowhere around his tent so he went straight down to the fiery pit to find baked potatoes and to my surprise Ronald McDonald appeared and forced me to eat baked potatoes with sweet onions, peppers, and chili wrapped in Taco Bell Chihuahua!!! No more tequila bring out the rum hair of the dog??
Dog? What dog? I slobbered on the man stepped in a poodle face but I never staggered like this before oh no! now I Can't feel my face I crawled to the edge of the bed Man, what a dream!
I realized I hadn't drank with this medication and now my head has its own drummer playing Besieís polyrhythmic composition against my pulsating temples pushing my brains out of my ears. OW!!! And the rats started moving very slow and doing the Macarena to the polka music and singing Hava Nagilum in Chinese language and the clock struck one and down they run. Run, run, run, run the struck one stayed behind only to be having a vivid dream so many nights ago never toke with rodents in dreams, but awake. All of a sudden he was late to work. It's my day off I realized and I went to the woods and shot at the beer bottles I left last time I had gone deer hunting. Suddenly the deer I shut jumped by and headed straight for my house!!! Straight at my liquor bottles on the porch and started drinking beer and went "buck wild." He turned on my music and sang Toby Keith karaoke and start lip singing (difficult thing without lips....) all time redneck favor did the forest crawl.
I couldn't take it and ran to the pub to tell my buddies that deer is drinking and the girls dancing but the music stopped said, "No freakin' way!!!" i will eat borsch They went with me at least i thought So there I was in the middle of the woods, halfway between the hell and pub when suddenly a gremlin put off its disguise and grizzly bear said Ready for your DEMISE?
But you are friend with knife behind back thanks 4 defending me whoops. Gremlin jabbed bear I took off running...
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Last edited by KML9870; 04-01-2008 at 02:11 PM..